Be whatever you want to Bieber

You can be whatever you want to be: judging from this mass “back to school” campaign, as long as you want to be a peripheral, suburbanite version of Bieber. Which you surely must want. Whopee.

Yet another fractal paradox in the Age of Paradox, then: faced with the current, unimaginable wealth of intellectual and creative possibilities, we are invited into a hall of karaoke mirrors of a disfunctional teen media puppet. And then there’s the triple “WAR” scrawl on the skateboard, tank drawing included: not only you’re invited to be a twat, you are meant to glamourise armed conflict. In 2014, the World on its knees as it currently stands. It doesn’t matter, just strike a pose and yo man, cool stuff, right? Don’t be surprised when the thirst for meaning amongst this wretched banality ends up in hallucinatory extremism.

This unrecognised number has been persistently calling my mobile for days now. I finally gave in and answered: a teenage voice spits out a script – “this is being recorded, how much do you spend per month, we’re here to offer you more TV channels, faster internet, free calls, more, more more more MORE”. When I said that I didn’t want more, that I was happy with what I had, she seemed perplexed. Surely I’d like more stuff? More Bieber, then?

The sad part of our brief conversation was her tone of desperation: reaching sales targets, scrounging a few bucks in order to then go spend ’em on the latest Bieber autotune fest. Hey, I got good news for ya, call center girl: BONO is moaning for free, go get some messianic pap instead. I so hope I am wrong and she listens to Joni.

Bootlegging has become ideological at this point in this forsaken media diaspora.